‘No one knows we're married’: After years of secretly dating, couple decides to get married without telling anyone, end up getting tangled in their web of lies

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 16, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Some people, when they get into new relationships, the only thing they want to do is shout about it from every rooftop. They want everyone to know about their new partner, sharing every single detail of their relationship to whoever is willing to listen. They simply cannot keep their excitement all to themselves.

The other side of the coin here, is people who prefer keeping their personal lives, well, personal. They won't say anything about new relationships, sometimes not even when they are being asked about it up front. They want to keep everything that happens behind closed doors exactly there, without creating unnecessary fuss or drama over their private affairs.

While both sides can be a little bit extreme, they are also both valid, and it all really depends on the type of person you are, and what you want your live, both romantically and outside of that, to look like.

However, if you do choose to lead your romantic relationship in one of the paths described above, you may encounter some backlash, like what happened to the couple in the story below.

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  • The woman who wrote this tale wanted to get something off her chest, but she didn't expect the reaction she got to it. She shared how she and her now husband have been secretly dating for years, and never told anyone that they were dating, living together, or when they decided to get married.

    Now, this secretive couple is thinking about kids, and is starting to realize the complications this over-the-top secret brings to the table.

    Keep scrolling to read the full tale, and what people had to say about this couple's life decisions…

  • 01
    "The rabbit hole got too deep to explain"
    via Antonio_Diaz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "I married my friend. No one knows."

    I married my friend of 10 years in secret. We're both in our early 30s. 5 years ago I moved towns, at 25, after a bad breakup. He had broken up with his ex
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 03
    about 9 months earlier. We were working through our breakups and ended up as FWB. At the time we decided to keep it to ourselves because we didn't want things to get messy.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 04
    A few months later, we realised we worked really well as a couple and started formally dating. Again we decided to keep it to ourselves since the relationship was fresh and we didn't want to have to explain ourselves.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 05
    Then 6 months after we moved in together. Us dating became our funny little in joke. 22 months after we bought a house together. Then a few cats. The following year we got married in secret.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 06
    Our own family doesn't know we're married. We're now coming up to our one year anniversary and we're talking about children. We've been together 4 years now in total.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 07
    We're not sure when the right time to tell our social group is, but right now we're still really enjoying the peace of a quiet life.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 08
    We are now wondering if we fake a formal engagement because the rabbit hole got too deep to explain.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 09
    OnTheUtilityOfPants At this point I think you keep inside joke going. Tell your family you're going to platonically co-parent together, because it's easier than trying to find someone on dating apps interested in having kids.
    via OnTheUtilityOfPants
  • 10
    DistractedAttorney I would either invite people to a 1 year anniversary party and confuse the heck out of people and you can explain during the party. Or I would double down and continue not tell anyone until you have kids and make the birth announcement.
    via DistractedAttorney
  • 11
    TheJuiceyJuice Tbh, I'd create a storybook of what you and your partner have been up to, along with a picture of the first scan (when that happens) and send it to them. Or you can just wait till your baby bump grows and see how long it takes for somebody to question it. Lol.
    via TheJuiceyJuice
  • 12
    SyDuckFace I think you guys should have a party which magically turns into a wedding reception. Have a friend who is "legally" able to marry you "marry you" so people can think it's special but you both (and your friend) knows...
    via S***yDuckFace
  • 13
    My mom got invited to one of those parties. It was supposed to be a friend's birthday and it turned into his wedding to his (current) wife. They said it was beautiful and a really fun surprise.
    via S***yDuckFace
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10480857344
    via Joaquín Corbalán

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    dweebycake Honestly, I'm positive everyone already knows and thinks your weird for hiding it.
    via dweebycake
  • 16
    Motor-Pipe-1382 OP They really don't. No one knows we live together. I moved out of the city and a year later he left the city too and moved in with me.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 17
    hippies' Wait so do people think you're dating? Or they're actually under the impression that you're both still single? Do you not wear rings? No PDA or affection in front of friends or family? I'm so curious!
    via hippiesS**F**
  • 18
    Motor-Pipe-1382 OP No one knows we're dating, they don't even know we live together. We both have Facebook, but no posts after like 2018 etc - It wasn't deliberate, it just kinda happened
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 19
    applesauceoclock I am also wondering about the PDA. Do yall try to hide it? That seems tiring
    via applesauceoclock
  • 20
    Motor-Pipe-1382 OP He has never been a PDA kinda guy at all for the whole decade I've known him. He's very introverted and nerdy. He's exceptionally affectionate and romantic behind closed doors when he takes his people mask off. I obviously didn't know this until I started dating him. He's always been this way, even with his ex's. To be honest, I like it.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 21
    I've dated guys that were publicly romantic but it was 'all for show' and they were d' head behind closed doors. He's the complete opposite. Everything he does, he does for me alone and doesn't give a hoot what others think. He just says my opinion is the only one that matters to him and as long as we're happy together then he's happy.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 22
    gkriniara do u have other friends or close family members? this is kind of weird... or everybody knows and acts like it's a known secret
    via gkriniara
  • 23
    Motor-Pipe-1382 OP I recently introduced him as my boyfriend to my father and one sibling. He recently introduced me to his mother as his girlfriend. They don't know we are married. None of our friends know we are dating, or live together, or even live in the same town.
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 24
    steffie-flies I don't really understand why you have to hide your husband? I love mine so much, and every time I get to show him off I get so excited. Sounds like both of you expected to marry up and didn't, so now you're hiding the truth.
    via steffie-flies
  • 25
    Motor-Pipe-1382 OP I don't feel like I'm hiding him and vice versa, it feels more like we come home and shut the world out together in our cosy space
    via Motor-Pipe-1382
  • 26
    electric_S_panther I did this exact same thing, but we did tell our families/friends when the relationship became very serious (ring shopping, lease signed to move in together serious)
    via electric_S**_panther

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